Reacquainting myself with paint and canvas has been a little tricky.

So... despite majoring in painting in college and always planning to 'be an artist,' life and bills rather got in the way and there was a... let's call it a hiatus. Regardless, picking up that brush again after 5 years was intimidating!

On the upside, I've been amazed at how quickly I feel like it's coming back to me and potentially even figuring things out now with a more mature eye and mind that I had a hard time understanding before. I'm working to put together a full portfolio and expose my uncomfortable innards (aka abstract paintings).

Looking at "Closing In" compared to the piece I'm working on now is what prompted this. Finishing that painting was hard and incredibly painful; there was self doubt, despair, misery, and finally a great relief and satisfaction that went into making it and it is essentially the physical representation of losing all my confidence as an painter and then regaining it. (To think that I used to have such an ego, where did it go?)

However... compared to what I'm doing now, it looks, to my eyes at least, so juvenile and unskilled. Which I refuse to let make me unhappy! Rather, I am going to take immense satisfaction in the feeling of growing as an artist and becoming better.

It's so easy as an artist to stick with what we do best... because failing at something so integral to one's personality is excruciating. It's a constant battle that I have to fight; with each failed attempt I must remind myself that I'm learning... and that eventual success in one area means gains in all. Better paintings lead to better drawings lead to better illustrations lead to better paintings.

The discomfort is probably a good thing, and the embarrassment won't kill me.